Gratitude

There are brief points in life where despite whatever problems you are currently enduring a sense of satisfaction swells over you and you feel thankful for the life you live and the blessings you enjoy.  These moments do not necessarily stem from some successfully achieved goal, but rather from realizations that the goals you seek are merely markers on a path of fulfillment.  You look at all of the inputs into your life, from family and friends, to the choice on how you spend your time to come to an understanding that even if pain exists on some level, the path you are taking and those supporting you on it fulfill you more than any detriment can deplete you.  I am at one of these points right now.

This past week has been a test for me.  I took the time off from work to examine myself, my goals for the future, and my capability to reach those goals.  I had to know if I could be self-sustaining, self-motivated, self-disciplined, and I had to look into my heart to find a path in life of which I could be proud.  All of these objectives for the week were achieved and despite the fact that I could not rebuild the floor of our condo perfectly, what I learned from the process is that I don’t need the security and comfort of government employment to live the life I want to live.  In fact, that assurance deters me from achieving my life goals.  I have realized that I need some form of discomfort, some form of dissatisfaction, in order to make the changes necessary for my life to be fully fulfilling.  This week provided that discomfort.  I had to challenge myself with my first contract job for a publisher to see if I could deliver a quality project on time.  I did.  I had to challenge myself with a devotion to researching and applying for jobs both contracting and full-time to learn more about myself, my future, and my potential.  I did just that by sending out four applications to a variety of organizations I would be proud to call my employer.  I had to challenge myself with a commitment not to spend my normal working hours playing computer games, but instead concentrate on my contracting, researching, applying, and home repair jobs that I had planned for the week.  I did a great job not playing my computer game during the hours I had set to work, but rewarding myself during my allotted off time so that I found balance between work and play.

What I achieved this week was a modest personal success and a dramatic life altering realization.  I accomplished the goals set for myself, but on a larger scale I have proven to myself that I could make it on my own.  Through the support of my wife, my family, friends, and my own motivation I feel far more confident about my future than I have since time immemorial.   I have a future that I can bring to fruition.  I have a path that although likely to alter in specifics through greater experience, will continue me on a journey of self-discover and self-reliance that will fulfill my hearts desires while offering hope to those who could use my energy and skills.

It might be a little early for my Thanksgiving gratefulness, but I have to say that my thanks cannot be limited to one day a year.  I go to bed tonight knowing that I can turn my life into what I want it to be and that I owe much of that knowledge to the support and love offered by those who care about me.  By providing the encouragement and freedom I need to challenge myself and my assumptions about life you have all given me the chance to find out what this existence is for.  Whatever results lay along the path I am forging will trace back to my sense of fulfillment from this week.  That fulfillment could not have been achieved without your presence and encouragement in my life.  Some of you may be surprised to be on the receiving end of this thanks, but I want you all to know that each of you have helped me realize the man I am today and the contribution I will make to the world in the future.